The Magical World of Utena
by KillTenchi
Summary: Utena and her friends have finally made it to the world's best known theme park...Silliness ensues....
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Okay, okay....I'm through denying it...I DO own them!!  
  
  
Author's note: In a couple of my fanfics about Utena (i think it was my first one, and my last one) I mention the characters of Utena giving up everything and going off to Disney World....well....HERE IT IS!!! Cut me some slack though because I haven't been to Disney World since I was....hmmm....12 or 13....and I'm 20 now....so the memories are kind of hazy.  
  
P.S.--------------- As the ONLY person to have reviewed this so far mentioned: YES there is a Disney Land in Tokyo, but I just figured I'd stick to the theme park that I live an hour away from...  
  
  
  
  
  
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"I'm SO excited! This is going to be the most fun yet!" Wakaba squeals from the back of the Greyhound bus as it speeds down the road.   
  
"Yeah....great....how did I get dragged into this?" Juri grumbles from her seat where she is slumped down with her knees propped up against the seat in front of her so she can read Oprah's autobiography.  
  
Our favorite group of Ohtori Academy students are on a field trip. Just over the horizon can be seen green highway signs which seem to scream "Disney World exit 1 mile". They have an entire Greyhound bus to themselves and have spent the majority of the trip from Japan singing those great classics such as "Are we there yet?", "The Wheels on the Bus", and, this author's personal favorite, "99 bottles of Saki on the Wall". Now they are all so road-weary and drained (it's a long drive from Japan to Florida!) that most of them are in different stages of sleep.   
  
Touga is sleeping with his head on Akio's shoulder at the front of the bus, while Akio sleeps with his head on Touga's head. Utena is sprawled out in an entire seat by herself with her legs stretched across the aisle and into the seat right across from hers. Anthy is sitting up, with her hands in her lap trying to fight sleep because Utena forgot to give her Bride permission to close her eyes before going to sleep herself. Saionji is sleeping with his face pressed up against the window, his breath has clouded the glass and his spit is running in slimy rivulets into his hair. Nanami doesn't get to go to Disney World because, despite Nanami's comedic potential, this author loathes her. In the back of the bus, in the seat across from the bouncing, bubbling, and very AWAKE Wakaba, sleeps Mitsuru. He looks so cute and innocent, being the only one who for some reason changed into pajamas with little pigs on them.  
  
Miki and Juri, like Wakaba, are awake. We know what Juri is up to, but Miki is doing something highly unusual. It seems he has stuffed Chu-chu into a little cage and is poking the monkey-mouse with a long, pointed stick while laughing hysterically to himself.   
  
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A few moments later, everyone is awake. They have arrived at the Disney World parking lot! The bus parks (there's no driver, the bus just parks itself...it's the Akio Bus!) and the group of excited youngsters exits in an orderly fashion. As they leave, Chu-Chu can be seen staring out one of the closed windows of the vehicle as everyone leaves without him.  
  
"This is so cool!" Utena exclaims as she leads the way to the ticket taker lines.   
  
Forty-five minutes later, as the group is STILL standing in line, Saionji sighs,"What is taking so long?"   
  
It is several more hours before our friends even SEE the front of the line, but when they do anticipation grows thick between them. They huddle up to the ticket taker window and stare at the person inside. It is a girl of about 19 or 20, with short, almost chin-length blonde hair and black, thick rimmed square glasses. She stares back at the group with a funny smirk on her face.  
  
"What are you grinning at? We've been waiting here for hours!" Juri exclaims right in the girl's face.  
  
"I know. I wrote this story. I was hoping that while you were all standing in line you would do some funny stuff, but you're all just as boring as everyone else in the world when you stand in line!" The girl looks disgusted for a moment, but then Touga steps up to the window and she puts on her cutest, most endearing smile before continuing,"You guys have to do weird, strange, oddball stuff or the few people in the world who DO read my insane fics are going to stop. Do you want that?"  
  
"Well, YOU'RE the author...doesn't that make YOU in charge of what we do?" Touga asks.  
  
"What? I have to do everything? Must I tie your shoes for you, too? I am only one incredibly gorgeous, witty, charming, intelligent girl...I can't ALWAYS think of fabulously funny and ridiculous things for you guys to do! Although, I must admit...I do have some very good ideas involving Miki later..." The author smiles at Miki in a sinister, "you're gonna get it" way.  
  
Miki sweatdrops,"No Twinkies! Please!!!!"   
  
"Just shut up, and enjoy your day at the world's best known amusement park...it should be interesting....here are your tickets." The author hands them each their respective ticket and sends them through the little revolving door thingie. No one does anything stupid while walking through the door (as people are prone to do) except that Juri's ass gets stuck for a moment. Then the group is off for a day of sun, fun, and disgustingly cute thrill rides.  
  
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"Weeeee!" Saionji squeals as he rides the flying Dumbos for the tenth time. Touga and Akio are standing off to the side uner a shady tree sharing a bag of extremely over priced popcorn. Utena walks up to the two boys with her arms full of tons of random Disney character stuffed animals that she has won for Anthy, who is following her.   
  
"You know, I think it was nice of the Author to let us have a nice relaxing day of family fun!" Utena cries as she drops her pile of plushies and stretches out on a patch of grass nearby. Anthy comes and stands next to her. "Sit, Anthy." Utena says without even looking at her. Anthy sits.  
  
"Yeah...it was nice...but I think in a way she might be making fun of us." Akio says sort of suspiciously. "Don't you think it's odd that she sent all of us,who are....well...let's be honest guys....we're cartoon characters. Don't you think it's strange that she would choose THIS theme park that is completely devoted to cartoon characters to send us to?"  
  
"Yeah, really...she could have at least sent us to Busch Gardens where they have complimentary beer..." Touga mumbles.  
  
"Gosh, guys! That is the GREATEST ride!" Saionji cries as he runs up to the little group. "Where's everybody else? Miki, Wakaba, Juri and Mitsuru? Has anyone seen them?"  
  
"No...I guess we should try and find them....I would hate for us to get permanently seperated in this candy-coated, happy-ending world..." Touga says cynically and starts walking. Everyone follows him, even Utena who is still lugging all of her prizes.  
  
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Once again in one of my stories, Mitsuru finds himself crawling on the ground in agony. Behind him Wakaba is doing her normal, hyper-girl, perky bouncy thing while singing 'It's a Small World' at the top of her lungs. In a weak voice, Mitsuru cries out,"Juri...Miki....make her...shut...up...."  
  
Miki and Juri have grown so tired of listening to Wakaba sing that song for the last two hours that they have stuffed napkins in their ears, so they can't hear Mitsuru's pleas for help.  
  
"It's a small world, after all...It's a small world after all...it's a small world AFTER ALL!!!! Come on you guys, that ride was GREAT! I LOVE this song! It's so catchy, without being ANNOYING!"   
  
Mitsuru is in some serious trouble, as her constant singing of the world's most sickening song is causing his insides to go into convulsive gagging mode. He watches Miki and Juri casually walk away, leaving him lying in the gutter at the feet of someone dressed in a giant Pooh Bear costume. From the depths of the young boy's misery, and still hearing Wakaba singing in the background, young Mitsuru reaches out to the giant yellow bear with the big dumb grin on his face for help. There must be a God, because suddenly Pooh Bear steps in the singing Wakaba's path.  
  
"Stop right there," Pooh Bear says in a very deep voice.  
  
"Huh?" Wakaba says as she looks at Pooh dumbfoundedly.  
  
"I am here to defend justice, and to help the weak. You are disturbing this young man's equilibrium by singing that irritating song constantly. I cannot let this go on. I am here to stop you." Pooh Bear manages to look menacing through fifty pounds of yellow costume.  
  
"Who are you?" Wakaba asks in a scared voice.  
  
Despite his clouded vision Mitsuru watches as Pooh Bear rips off his yellow costume to reveal a dark cloaked figure underneath.  
  
"I am Batman."  
  
Wakaba's mouth drops open in shock. It is a moment before she can gather her wits about her, but when she does she is quick to ask,"Which one?"  
  
Batman looks confused,"Which one? What do you mean, which one? There's only one Batman, and that's me!"   
  
"No, no, no," Wakaba says,"There was Michael Keaton, then there was Val Kilmer, and then finally George Clooney! Which one are you?"  
  
Batman looks extremely worried and starts to fidget,"Um....I don't KNOW! I'm just Batman....I'm here to fight for justice....who is this George Clooney character you speak of?!"  
  
Wakaba giggles annoyingly and responds with,"Oh, he's nobody important, just a Mel Gibson wannabe who got lucky on E.R."  
  
"Mel Gibson? Is he a Batman too?!" Batman asks in a surprisingly girlish worried voice.  
  
"No, silly! He's Braveheart!" When she sees Batman looking so scared and confused she feels badly so she tries to offer some help,"I know how we could find out who you really are! I'll unmask you!"   
  
Before he can protest, Wakaba has reached across the distance and pulled the dark one's mask off to reveal the face underneath.  
  
Mitsuru is shocked from his stupor when he hears Wakaba scream insanely and run away toward the nearest souvenir shop. He looks up through eyes slitted from agony, though he's feeling better since the singing stopped, and looks at the face of his recuer.  
  
It's Michael Jackson! Mitsuru faints.  
  
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Will Mitsuru escape the evil clutches of Michael Jackson? Who else will be harmed by Wakaba's incessant singing of "It's a Small World"? What are the rest of the gang up to? Is the author going to play more of active role in this fic later? Will I ever get these imaginary hamsters to leave me alone? Tune in next chapter....same bat time, same bat channel for part two: "Rose of Cinderella's Castle" 


	2. M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

When we last left our heroes they were in different sections of one of the most loved theme parks of all time. As we find them now, they are still quite seperated. Touga, Akio, and Saionji are now standing in line at the tea-cup ride, because Saionji has decided that he wants to ride something 'really scary'. Utena and Anthy wandered away from the guys when Utena saw more prizes she needed to win in order to prove that she's not some sissy girl. Wakaba has been throwing up in a ladies' room outside of Fantasy Land for thirty minutes...several employees of the park including Roger Rabbit, Pluto, and The Little Mermaid herself have been in to check on her and see if they can figure out what's wrong, but all Wakaba does is stop her unending upchucking for a moment to mumble something which sounds like 'Heal The World'. Juri and Miki have been standing in a line that consists almost entirely of children under the age of ten and their parents for about an hour and twenty minutes. The line is so long that they don't even know what they're standing in line FOR, it just seems like a good idea to go along with the crowd. No one has seen or heard from Mitsuru or the strange man ( michael jackson! ) in the Pooh Bear/Batman costume for a very long time...  
  
So...now that we are updated, on with the story! Why don't we start with our favorite group of incredibly attractive (no matter how insane, conceited, deceitful, or slutty) males?   
  
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"Oh gosh! I am...well I am just SOOOOooOOOO excited! This ride looks REALLY exciting!" Saionji squeals as he hops gleefully up and down next to Touga and Akio while the three boys stand in line at the Tea-Cup ride.   
  
"Oh yes, exciting...if you're an extremely old lady..." Touga says disdainfully as he looks around for some way to escape this hell. He had hoped to get Akio alone on that cute ride with the heart shaped tunnel and the swan boats, but NO Saionji has to tag along and ruin any romantic potential this park might hold. Sometimes he could be such a loser.   
  
"I am just quivering with anticipation..." Akio mumbles insincerely as he looks around for some way to escape this hell. He had hoped to get Touga alone on that cute ride with the heart shaped tunnel and the swan boats, but NO Saionji has to tag along and ruin any romantic potential this park might hold. Sometimes he could be such a loser.  
  
Touga looks to Akio just as Akio looks to Touga, with odd expressions on each of their faces both boys ask simultaneously,"Did you just say something?" then they answer each other at the same time with,"No." before looking away.  
  
Saionji hasn't noticed the tension between his two chaperones because he is about to pee his pants with excitement as he watches those giant pastel Tea-Cups spin in death defying circles. Those five years olds that are laughing happily as the cups spin must have nerves of STEEL! This is a scary looking ride! Forget all that Space Mountain crap, you'd never see all those chickens that are standing in line for Space Mountain EVER ride the Tea-Cups! They're too scared! Well, you wouldn't catch Saionji being a sissy...he rode the Dumbo Ride over and over again without being scared and he would do it on this ride, too. Then maybe Anthy would see that he has what it takes to Revolutionize the World and she would leave Utena forever!   
  
Saionji looks at the long line ahead of them in anxious delight,"I just can't WAIT!" he squeaks as he clenches his fists together in anticipation.  
  
Touga and Akio both sneak looks at each other before casting forlorn gazes out to the swan shaped boats that sail in and out of the Tunnel of Love.   
  
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Juri and Miki, in the meantime, have reached the head of the line. It looks as though all of this waiting has led them to what looks like a big, cartoon-like house. They look around as the line moves through corridors of the house and, finally, they find themselves facing a giant black mouse in a tuxedo.   
  
"What th-" Juri starts, but before she can finish she and Miki are ushered up to meet the mouse by two faceless drones of Disney World.  
  
:::::::Author's note: I am going to take some creative liberties here because, although I know that in Disney World none of the costumed characters can really talk, it will be much funnier if this one does...I hope...so stop complaining!:::::::::::::::  
  
"Haha! Hello! I'm Mickey!" Mickey Mouse says as he waves at the two strange youths who have been brought in to greet him.  
  
The blue-haired boy looks worried, and confused as he says,"You're name is Miki? But...I'M Miki! How can you be Miki, if I am Miki? Obviously you're not thinking clearly..."  
  
Juri looks from the mouse to her companion and raises an eyebrow in interest.  
  
"Well, my name's Mickey...Mickey Mouse! Haha! I wouldn't make up something like that!" The smiling Mickey mask bobs up and down in an affirmative gesture as the giant mouse wiggles his hands in a giddy, happy way.   
  
"No...I don't suppose you would, but it does raise some interesting questions..." Miki begins, but is stopped when the whole room seems to shift beneath his feet and everyone but he and Mickey Mouse seems to fade into the background.   
  
"What's happening?" Miki gasps as he falls to his knees on the red carpet. He looks up to see that the whole room has disappeared and that he and Mickey seem to be floating in a grey void.   
  
Mickey Mouse's eyes have turned huge and red light seems to be shining from them. His once happy, friendly smile has turned into a big ugly frown as he glares at our Miki menacingly. On his shoulder appears an equally evil looking Chu-Chu, and the two creatures seem to be condemning Miki with their eyes as he cowers before them.  
  
In a huge, booming, echoing voice, Mickey Mouse declares,"You have treated my friend Chu-Chu horribly and inhumanely and you will....PAY!" Lightening appears, streaking behind the giant mouse in a jagged, threatening line. Thunder rages from somewhere in the nothingness and the young boy is so scared that he desperately cries out for help.  
  
"HELP?" Mickey Mouse bellows,"Who will help you? You are in MY world now, sissy boy, and I am about to pass judgement on you!"  
  
"Please don't! I'm sorry Chu-Chu! I'll never poke you with long pointy sticks again....and I'm sorry I stuck your tail in the toaster the other day....and I apologize for the time I put tape over your mouth, tied you to a string and hung you on the Christmas tree at the Ohtori Academy Christmas Ball! I'll never do anything like that again! I promise! Just please don't hurt me!!" Miki is now crying uncontrollably as he begs for leniency from the two mice.  
  
The Gods are not feeling merciful however, and Mickey Mouse isn't either, now with a big evil grin he points one of his four big white gloved fingers at the boy cowering before him and proclaims:  
  
"I have heard quite enough! Now you will listen to me! I, Mickey Mouse, God of all things Disney, hereby sentence you to a lifetime of being a goat in the Animal Kingdom petting zoo, where you will be fondled and poked by millions of inconsiderate, snot nosed children for the rest of your days! From this moment on, the identity of Miki Kauru will cease to exist, your friends will not ever remember having known you and only YOU will remember ever having been human! This is your sentence...to be carried out starting NOW!"  
  
A ray of light shoots from Mickey Mouse's big fat finger and hits our poor Miki, who screams in agony before disapearing from view.  
  
The world changes back to normal, and it is just Mickey Mouse and Juri now. Juri looks a little confused, as though something happened that she missed, but just shakes it off and she shakes hands automatically with the guy in the big fake mouse costume. She doesn't seem to notice that Mickey Mouse's smile looks a little more sinister than would befit a childhood icon as she exits the house and walks onward to look for the rest of the Ohtori Academy group.  
  
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"MAKE IT STOP! WE WANT TO GET OFF! PLEASE! PLEASE STOP IT!" Touga and Akio have abandoned all pretenses and are holding onto each other for dear life as the Tea-Cup they are riding in takes another hair pin turn. They have both been shrieking like little girls from the moment the ride went into motion. Several children who are still standing in line are laughing at them, but several OTHER children have started to cry. Saionji has a "cup" all to himself and is laughing gleefully as the ride continues to turn faster and faster. This is even BETTER than the Dumbos!  
  
Sadly, all good things must come to an end, as do amusement park rides. The tea cups spin slower and slower until, finally, they stop spinning altogether. Touga and Akio however, don't notice that the ride is over because they are still yelling, and crying, and clinging to each other for support as though they are in a lear jet instead of a giant, pink teacup. Abruptly they realize their mistake and stop screaming. Akio opens one eye and looks around at all the people who have gathered to stare at the two idots. Touga sniffles a couple of times, and wipes his teary eyes on the back of his hand before he notices that they are being gawked at. Both men quickly let go of each other and sit up straight and tall as though they have never cried like sissies in their entire lives.  
  
Saionji, on the other hand is doing great! That ride had been so fun! In his elation he quickly steps out of his teacup, minding that it has come to a complete stop first, and takes a step toward Akio and Touga.  
  
"Hey guys! Wasn't that gre-oh my...I don't feel so good..." And with that Saionji leans over the edge of Touga and Akio's cup and vomits right into the dean of Ohtori Academy's lap.  
  
Horrified at what he has done, Saionji goes very pale and steps back from the mess. Akio's eyes have gone very large in his disgust at having been puked on. With as much dignity as he can muster under the circumstances, Akio demands that someone bring him a towel to help him get cleaned up. He glares at Saionji from where he sits in a puddle of throw up. The green haired one waits around just long enough to produce one hell of a sweat drop before turning tail and running away as fast as he can.  
  
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"Oh look, Miss Utena! How cute!" Anthy claps her hands together and smiles sweetly as she and her betrothed walk aimlessly around the theme park as they have been doing all this time that I have not been writing about them.  
  
"Oh, that's not cute! It's ugly! That's the ugliest thing I have ever seen!" Utena says as she passes the object of Anthy's interest indifferently.  
  
Anthy, in spight of all the screaming five year olds that are pulling and tugging at its fur and ears, seems to think that there is a strange kind of tortured intelligence behind the eyes of the goat at the petting zoo....though she can't for the love of Dios figure out why....  
  
  
  
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Okay, folks, that's chapter two....not, as I promised, "Rose of Cinderella's Castle", but I got sidetracked by some zany ideas(obviously). However, if anyone out there cares the next chapter will, in fact, be the one that I previously promised....and it will involve our favorite pink haired heroine! Um....yeah....you can go away now.....or you can review!!! That's always nice.... :) 


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